Saturday, October 28, 2006

It was peer pressure

C did it, so I have to now too. I think it'll make me look cool.


1. Would you marry for money?

Nope.


2. Have you had braces?

Yes, and I may be getting them again. I hate adults with braces. Good thing I'm not an adult, huh?


3. Could you live without a computer?

Absolutely not.


4. If you could live in any past time period, where would it be?

Late 60's. I would so be a hippie.


5. Do you drink enough water?

No, but I should; seeing as I have a lifesucking leech. (Love you baby boy!)


6. Do you wear shoes in the house or take 'em off?

I don't wear shoes outside, why would I wear them inside?


7. What are your favorite fruits?

Mmmm, I love pretty much all fruits.


8. What is your favorite place to visit?

Up North.


9. Are you photogenic?

I hate getting my picture taken.


10. Do you dream in color or black and white?

Color


11. Why do you take surveys??

Like I said, it was peer pressure.


12. Do you drink alcohol?

Used to. But we cosleep so I don't now.


13. What is the most beautiful language?

I like Japanese.

14. Do you like being kissed when you are asleep?

I don't like anything interrupting my sleep.


15. WHAT do you like MOST: Sunrise or sunset?

Both are beautiful, but I'm never up early enough for a sunrise.


16. Do you want to live until you're 100 yrs old?

Heck yes I do.


17. Is a flat stomach important to you?

If it is, I'm in trouble.

19. When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights switched on or off?

Off. But C likes to watch movies when he's not supposed to be, so we have to keep them on so I can keep an eye on him.


20. Do you believe in magic?

I believe in spirits, but not magic so much.


22. Do you like to watch cartoons?

I go through phases. Not so much right now.


23. At what age did you find out that Santa Claus wasn't real?

Santa Claus is real. I am Santa for the first year:)


24. Do you write poems?

Sometimes. There's one in my blog. Lookie below.


25. Do you snore?

Yep


26. You sleep more on your back, front,or sides?

Sides, I spoon with C.


27. Would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler?

Rottweiler I suppose. Poodles are nasty.


28. Are you basically a happy person?

I really try to be.


29. Are you tired?

Yes. Actually the past couple of days I've been so tired. I haven't been this tired since I found out I was pregnant with C. Uhoh.


30. Did you drink anything with caffeine?

Not today. Rarely, actually.


32. How many landline/cellphones do you have in your house?

2 cellphones, 1 VOIP.


33. Do you get along with your parents?

Yep.

34. Do u smoke?

Cigarettes are gross.


35. Do you have a kitty?

Yes.

36. Have you ever had a birthday party?

Twice. For my 1st birthday, and once in elemetary school.


37. What do you do when you're sad?

Cry.


38. What do you need most now?

A swift kick in the ass.


39. What song are you listening to now?

The sounds of silence.


40.what are you craving right now?

Nothing, feeling kind of sicky.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Therapist

Started seeing a therapist today. She wants me to write a letter to the midwife, to be read out loud next session but never sent.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Quotes

Be Who You Are And Say What You Feel Because Those Who Mind Don't Matter And Those Who Matter Don't Mind- Dr. Seuss


Live your life in happiness, even though those around you lead lives which are unhealthy, and wish to spread their illness to you. Be Happiness itself. - Buddha

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Why Nicole quit nursing school

From Nicole:
I want to share with all of you an event that drew me into intactivism...
Back in 1996, I began an OB/GYN hospital clinical as a student nurse.
One day, I was enlisted to attend a 'routine circumcision.' I did not
realize how much that event would shatter the very foundation of a
career choice made in ignorance. I appeared in the doorway of the circ
room and saw the little newborn boy to whom I was 'assigned' for the
day. 20 years old and not having kids of my own, I did not anticipate
the lurching sensation that gripped my heart. Laying strapped down to a
table, so small and new....pure and innocent...trusting...all alone...no
defenses..., I walked toward the baby and wanted to grab him off the
table and shelter him..to tell him that nobody would hurt him..
In walked the doctor...loud..obnoxious..joking with his assistant...as
if he was about to perform a 10 minute oil change..not once did he talk
to this little baby. Rather, he reached for his cold metal
instruments..and then reached out for his object of mutilation...this
sweet newborn's perfect unharmed penis. As I recall the screams of pain
and terror.. his small lungs barely able to keep up with the cries..I
turned in horror as I saw the doctor forcefully pull his foreskin around
a metal object. Then came the knife..cut...cut..cut..
I stood next to the baby and said..you're almost done sweety..almost
done...
There..done. Then came the words..as that son-of-a-bitch dangled the
foreskin in midair.."anybody care to go fishing?"
My tongue lodged in my throat..I felt like I was about to vomit. I
restrained myself..and my duty was to then take the infant back to the
nursery for 'observation.' Here is where I realized I couldn't do it. I
could not be a part of such a cold, sterile, out-of-touch medical
model...Rather than observing, I cradled the infant...I held him and
whispered comforting words as if he were my own...I'll never forget
those new little eyes watch me as if in a haze...he knew I cared about
him...he knew he was safe in my arms..he knew that I was going to take
him to his mommy...but, deep in his little heart, at some level, I know
he wondered where his mommy was.....while he lay there mutilated in what
was supposed to be a safe and welcoming environment. I made a note in
the chart and then caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror...my chest and
face had broken out in purple splotches. My next thought? I can't do
this...I refuse to do this...this is NOT for me. I took the baby to his
mother..who was complaining about 'some pain' she was experiencing...I
never addressed her pain because I left to go to my locker..I grabbed my
belongings..and hoped that my rejection of this 'medical system' could
serve as some type of redemption for the violation of that newborn that
I cradled in my arms that day. The next day, I withdrew from nursing
school...and never looked back.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Furniture

Going to attempt to move the furniture in the family room around. It's been in the same position for 15 mos. now, and I'm sick of it. Problem is we've got a 55gal. fish tank. Yick. I'm not looking forward to that. To top it off, I think I'll be doing most of the moving myself, B has to work this Sat. Boo for Saturday work, Yay for overtime pay!

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Way too much

Ick. Did way too much today. Went to the sewing shop, picked up my walking foot that's been in for a while now. Then went to the health food store, picked up some nutritional yeast- looking forward to trying it on popcorn, which everyone says is yummy. Then onto JoAnns. Got fabric for the wearable blanket, 3 flannel prints for pants, and some clearance duck cloth for another nappy bag or two. Then to Staples. Got my Cuddlebuns pattern copied and laminated. Finally went grocery shopping at Meijer. C fell asleep in the pouch, riding on my hip. Had to shop, put things on the belt, pay, and load $309 worth of groceries one handed. I'm exhausted!

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

My baby

My baby is 6 months today. 6 months, 4 hours and 25 minutes old. He's officially closer to being a year old than to being a newborn. Off to cry and hold my baby....

Just to add on to my horrible mood, there's this message waiting for me on my myspace.......

Just one more horrible day of being over due until i have the baby they are induceing me tomarrow about time. i am 41 weeks and dying here.. can't wait to see the little man who doesn't want out..lol


Fuck.You.Cunt. Other than the fact that her spelling and grammar leave much to be desired, I want to beat the living daylights out of her. I removed her from my friends list so I don't have to be subjected to that kind of crap anymore.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Hurting

I'm putting things away and come across some pictures of C when he was a newborn. And I'm crying. I'm looking at the pictures where he was first born and he's all white and gunky. And I'm mad and upset and aching because I didn't get to see him like that. I'm looking at the pictures where I'm breastfeeding him. Where they're giving him a bath at the hospital. And I'm hurting because I don't remember it. I have fragmented memories, but that's all I have because of the anesthesia/painkillers. I hate that I didn't stand up to them and tell them no. No, I am not going to the hospital. I am going home to research. I hate me for letting them take him. And then I hear Debra *CNM* saying there is really low fluid, baby is breech and needs to come out because he could have a cord accident.

I'm remembering laying on the table in the u/s room, totally unprepared for her telling me he was breech. I'm pissed because I let her check me. I was leaking fluid and having prodromal labor and stupidass me let her check me. All because I was curious. Felt a soft squishy bum rather than a head. What would have happened if I hadn't let her check me? Had gone into labor. Was pushing when she finally realized he was breech. Had stayed at home as long as possible, gone to the hospital and stayed in the parking lot until I was ready to push. Had just said no. Had made my DH and mom see that I could do it at home. That it is safe. 37 weeks by her calculation, 35 by mine. Not ready.

I'm angry at me for being like this 6 months later. Sympathy for the situation wore out soon after the birth. You have a healthy baby, so get over it. Noone has said it out loud (at least not to my face) but I can sense it. So sad, angry, frustrated, guilty.

In other news...

I just opened a new pack of Playo brand DVD +Rs and they smell like celery. Thought you might like to know.

Deer

There are three deer in my neighbor's back yard right now. Cool and kind of sad at the same time, since they have nowhere better to go.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Traffic sucks

Almost an hour of stop and go (very slowly I might add!) traffic on I-94. With a baby that was cooped up in a car seat for 5+ hours. Not. Fun. He is so patient with us, it is unbelieveable.

We did have fun though. Stayed at the Mariott (ooh la la!), went swimming, C peed on the fancy down comforter. Of course I stole the little shampoos (bath and body works). And the toolbox is awesome, B is ecstatic. The guys were super nice, too.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Love Poem for my son

When he nuzzles to my breast
then unlatches to flash me that
Toothless grin, ridge in the
middle of his gums
And breath sweet with the smell of milk
I look at his face
trying to engrave it into my memory
The sound of his laughter
The grunts of frustration
The incessant groany tired talking
somewhere between a laugh and a cry
The smell of his head-
of nothing, and of everything sweet in the world,
all at the same time
The perfectly smooth
mother's milk complexion
And eyelashes that go on and on
How he talks with his eyes
questioning and observing everything
in his world
Being the center of his universe
the one that he buries his face into
when he meets someone new
I try to hold it
to keep it with me for always
Like trying to keep fog
in a jar
It will evaporate
leaving only traces of what once was
I'll glance away,
turn back
And my baby will be
gone
Gina H./2006

Monday, October 09, 2006

Vaccinations

Well, it finally came up with MIL. Vaccinations. That went over like a wet fart in church. She just kept saying that he will need them for school. I told her that he doesn't need them, that there are exemptions but I don't think she believed me. Not that he'll be going to school anyway, but I can only handle one thing at a time with her. In her defense, she has gotten alot better than when C was a newborn. I think she's finally figured out that we must know what we're doing.

I'm going to a vaccine seminar on 10/28, I'm looking forward to it:)

Ack

So MIL says "Have you thought any more about vaccinations?"
Me: Yep, did the research. Not getting them.
MIL: Is there anything I can say to change your mind?
Me: Nope.
MIL: It's just that...
Me: Nope, did the research
MIL: There was an article in the paper that some kid got lockjaw from playing in the sandbox. That's caused from tetanus you know.
Me: Yep, mostly found in people with bleeding disorders and the elderly. We'll take our chances.

So I'm doing well sticking up for our decisions on that subject. Yet I still can't seem to come out and say that we're cosleeping. All things with time, all things with time.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Lucky!

My parents have a '38 Chevy truck, and a few weeks ago they were asked to participate in a Chevy promotion for the new Silverado.
They were flown to Texas, got the hotel and all meals paid for, went to free concerts, got chartered to the next flight in a limo, got flown to Indianapolis, traveled by fancy bus to Pittsburgh, even got to meet Willie Nelson's granddaughter. They're like celebrities, and I knew them back when they were just regular little people like you and I

Pictures here...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/gmblogs/

Chevy Introduces All-New 2007 Chevrolet Silverado with Cross-Country Drive to Farm Aid 2006

Four Concert Stops Planned During 2,800-Mile Trip From Texas to New Jersey

DETROIT, 2006-09-26 – Introducing the newest generation of the longest-lasting pickup truck on the road calls for something big. That's why Chevrolet is launching the new 2007 Chevrolet Silverado with a 2,800-mile Chevy Silverado Drive for Farm Aid, highlighted by four free concerts featuring top country musicians and culminating at the Farm Aid 2006 Presented by Silk Soymilk concert in Camden, N.J., on Sept. 30.

Kicking off with a concert featuring Montgomery Gentry at the State Fair of Texas Fairgrounds near Dallas on Sept. 27, the Silverado Drive for Farm Aid will present concerts featuring Phil Vassar in Nashville on Sept. 28 and Montgomery Gentry in Indianapolis on Sept. 28 and Pittsburgh on Sept. 29before making its final stop at Farm Aid. Visitors to the Nashville, Indianapolis and Pittsburgh concerts also can enter to win a trip for two to Nashville for the 40th Annual Country Music Association Awards on Nov. 6. One winner will be selected on Oct. 6 from each of the Nashville, Indianapolis and Pittsburgh concerts.


"We can't think of a better way to introduce the all-new 2007 Silverado than to drive the trucks through the heartlandto enjoy some great country music and help raise money for Farm Aid," said Ed Peper, Chevrolet general manager. "The Chevrolet Silverado, family farms and country music share deep, strong roots in America, and we want to celebrate that legacy. By lending our support to Farm Aid, we're helping to preserve family farm-centered agriculture in America."

Concerts in the Silverado Drive for Farm Aid are free, but concertgoers are invited to bring a non-perishable food item or make cash donations to Farm Aid.

"From Texas to New Jersey, the Silverado Drive for Farm Aid will help raise funds for Farm Aid and help promote food from family farms," said Carolyn Mugar, executive director of Farm Aid. "The vistas of fields and farms that America sees from the highway constantly remind us that food from family farms depends on keeping families on the land."

Along with a chance to see and experience the all-new 2007 Chevy Silverado, concertgoers can view Chevy pickups dating back to the 1930s that are part of the Chevy Silverado Drive for Farm Aid. In addition, members of the Chevy Silverado 200K Mile Club have been invited to join the trip.