Saturday, September 29, 2007

2 needle fingerless gloves

I wanted to make my sister a pair of Fetching fingerless gloves for Christmas, but I absolutely loathe small circumference circular knitting. So.....I modified the pattern to be worked on two needles.

This is what you get when you mate Fetching with this pattern from Purl Bee:

Pictures to follow soon (as soon as I get them off the camera)

C4B: Slip next 2 sts to cable needle (or spare double-point needle) and hold to back of work; k2, k2 from cable needle.

Left glove

CO 45

Row 1: k4 p1 across
Row 2: k1 p4 across
Row 3: k4 p1 across
Row 4: k1 p4 across

Row 5: work cable round [C4B, p1] across

Row 6: k1 p4 across
Row 7: k4 p1 across
Row 8: k1 p4 across
Row 9: k4 p1 across
Row 10: k1 p4 across

Row 11: work cable round [C4B, p1] across

Row 12: k1 p4 across
Row 13: k4 p1 across
Row 14: k1 p4 across
Row 15: k4 p1 across
Row 16: k1 p4 across

Row 17: work cable round [C4B, p1] across

Row 18: k1 p4 across
Row 19: k4 p1 across
Row 20: k1 p4 across
Row 21: k4 p1 across
Row 22: k1 p4 across

Row 23: work cable round [C4B, p1] across

Rows 24-56: k1 p4 across even rows, k4 p1 across odd rows

Row 57: k1, *yo, k2 tog* repeat * to *

Row 58: p across

Bind off

Sew up side seam, leaving a hole for your thumb.

Repeat for right hand, changing the cable row instructions to C4F
C4F: Slip next 2 sts to cable needle (or spare double-point needle) and hold to front of work; k2, k2 from cable needle.


Please let me know if this pattern doesn't make sense, it's my first time writing out a pattern.



Friday, September 28, 2007

Visitors

First, C and I went to my mom's house for a visit. It was actually to get out of the house- B said he'd clean, but he'll only clean when we're not here. While we were there, we went for a walk to a yard sale right down the road......I pulled C in his wagon. I got a couple little containers for C's snacks, but other than that there wasn't anything we needed although it was a huge (and very well put together) sale for a change. I'm so sick of stopping at yard sales just to see that it looks like they ran through their house that morning to find junk to set out.

J and F got here a bit after 3, and C and F were so cute playing together (as usual). They were both hiding under the same playsilk (21" x 21") and giggling when one would pull it off the other. Then F decided to sit in the tiny rocking chair. It's C's chair, so he went to sit on it with her. I have the cutest picture of two nakie babies sitting in a teeny rocking chair :swoon:

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Tot lot

Went over to J's house and we all biked to the tot lot. It's the cutest little park designed especially for the little ones......everything is miniature size. C had lots of fun, and F enjoyed eating the sand (blech!).

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Lapsit

My little boy is growing up so fast! Today C did his first art project at lapsit- a paper chicken (with mama's help of course) and also went up and picked a fish (brown fish) for the color song.

I can't believe just 2 weeks ago I was worried about telling J about the pregnancy. Seems that sometimes I worry about the wrong things:(

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Pictures from what I got done this week

From yesterday:
Pickles
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Pickled carrots
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All together:
11 quarts of tomatoes, 9 pints of pickles, 3 pints of pickled carrots
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Monday, September 24, 2007

People make me sick

Why do I continue to let myself be sucked in? Used and abused? C writes back through myspace to my pm of losing the baby....." Oh my gosh. I am sooo sorry. How far along were you? Are you doing ok?" and here I am thinking she actually cares. Nope, turns out she only wants the scoop so she can gossip and seem "in the know". When will I grow up and be happy with the wonderful friend I have in J and forget all the fair weathered friends?

Sunday, September 23, 2007

More canning

I did 11 quarts of tomatoes today. DH helped- I even put them through the blender so there's no chunks (DH is a veggie sissy like that). I don't have any canning supplies, so I'm improvising- dh cut a regular funnel so that it could handle big chunks, I'm using my corn cooking pot to do the waterbath, and I'm just letting them cool a bit and then using a potholder to get them out of the bath because I don't have jar tongs. It's pretty ghetto, but I'm making it work. We went to Meijer today and all the canning supplies were so picked over there wasn't anything I needed- they didn't even have quart or pint jars, only the quilted jelly jars:(

I still want to do pickles, my mom said my great aunt has a great dillybean recipe (pickled green beans), and if dh's aunt comes through with more tomatoes I'd love to do some salsa!

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Seriously.

If one more person announces their pregnancy, I'm going to scream. I want to be happy for them, but I can't do it.

Raw

It's still so raw. I'm so confused. Part of me wants to never have more children, to never risk having this pain again. Part of me wants to get pregnant right away. It's hard to know which part of me is right, what the right thing to do is.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Feeling sorry for myself

Ever put yourself out there to someone when you're feeling especially vulnerable, just to find out you wish you hadn't?

I'm feeling sorry for myself. "B" congratulated me on my myspace page, so today I finally pm'd her and simply said "I wanted to let you know we lost the baby:("
I see that she's read my message but hasn't responded. I know sometimes people don't know what to say, but she could have at least acknowledged that that may have been hard for me to tell her that. On top of it, my cousin's wife found out I was pregnant (through another cousin) and pm'd me through myspace congratulating me (after I had already found out I was m/c'ing) so I told her that we lost the baby, and she wrote back that it happened for a reason. Blech. I'm in such a crappy mood, just venting.


Innocents

I put our baby down in the Book of Life. I'm not Catholic, but it feels good to know that people will be praying. www.innocents.com

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

I'm so ticked off at God

I just keep listening to this song and trying to make sense of everything and it's just not happening.

I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth



I was going to have a baby, now I have an angel instead

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Canning tomatoes

I went over to J's today to can tomatoes (read: to get me out of the house). Being with a friend is so therapeutic!

We canned 14 quarts of tomatoes, my fingers were still on fire long after I'd left. Baby F was sick, I'm hoping C or I don't catch it, but right now the benefit of being with company outweighed the risk of getting sick.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Stupid

Sometimes I'm so stupid. I took a pregnancy test tonight, thinking maybe God had a miracle in store for me. The doctor said he'd never seen it happen before, but there are miracles every day, right? Not today, not for me, not for my baby.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

A better friend than one could ever ask for

I have the most considerate friend ever. Today I got an email from J, stating

"Hi. I just wanted to warn you that I’m sending dh over to drop off some meals. I don’t want to overwhelm you with company right now. That’s not what you need. However, I thought you might appreciate some meals to stock your freezer with. He’s not going to knock or disturb you. He’ll just leave them in a cooler at the back door."
She didn't want me to have to worry about cooking right now and so she sent over a dish of meatballs and two dishes of potatoes with ham.

Not that I would ever wish this on anyone, but it does feel good knowing that she knows what I'm going through right now.

I'm so worried about tomorrow. At least I had B with me all weekend to keep me company, keep me busy, keep my mind off losing the baby. Tomorrow I'll be on my own, to sit alone with my thoughts. Maybe I'll see if J will do something with me.

Wedding

The wedding was nice, the reception was well thought out by the groom's side of the family (surprisingly, since they have the accumulative IQ of a fruit fly). Noone said anything to me about the baby, which I think may have been worse than them acknowledging it. It's like I have a disease that noone wants to talk about.

I lost a baby. Maybe you don't know what to say to me, but don't say NOTHING.

I'm so tired. It's like my body hasn't figured out that I'm not pregnant anymore.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Heartbroken

HCG
Wednesday- 27
Friday- 10

The doctor said he's seen numbers go back up, but not at this low. He said I need to go in for another draw to confirm.

I think my heart is actually breaking. Is that possible?

To make matters worse, it's my sister's wedding tomorrow and so I get to go play nice with everyone and act happy.

HCG Result

I got my number from Wednesday - 27. This isn't looking good- D didn't sound happy, though she said all hope is not lost until we get the second number.

I went to the hospital to get the second draw done. I told the tech the reason I was getting the draw done, so hopefully she'll take pity on me and put a rush on it. She said I should have results by this afternoon. Pray for at least double.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Midwife

I went to see D today. She did an internal- she said the blood is old blood (good!) and that my cervix is closed (also good!). She said that without the hcg numbers she can't tell me much, but she was sympathetic and cried with me.

I called the doctor's office, and she said that since the currier doesn't come to pick up the blood until 2-2:30, it still hadn't gone out from yesterday:( grrrr!

Relieved and doctor visit

J is so happy for me, she started crying (good crying) when I told her! After canning some grape juice, I went to the doctor and they did and qualitative and quantitative blood draw (after doing a pee test, because for some reason they don't like to believe you when you say you've had a positive hpt).

I've got an order to go again on Friday or Saturday for another blood draw to find out how far along I am. The doctor was very uncaring about the fact that I've been bleeding, I hate how doctors can be so cold. Maybe it's time to call D (the CNM I used for my first pregnancy).

I called the homebirth midwife, G. This was my first time speaking with her, and she sounds AWESOME!!! I'm so excited to meet with her- I have to call after I get the blood tests to set up a home visit. She has two other midwives that she's partnered with, and they do all prenatals in your home as well as the homebirth for $1800. Still a good sum of money, but totally worth saving/working for since this will be a VBAC.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Hamburger/Peas/Rice (aka "How I told my husband")

I had already started making dinner of hamburger/peas/rice topped with cheese, otherwise I would have made something special for the occasion. I had the table all set, with the pregnancy test on my husband's plate (okay yeah a bit gross, but no place where pee had touched was touching his plate) under his napkin with a fork on top. I went to serve him, and he pulled the napkin off, revealing the test. He backed away from the table really quickly, and said "Are you serious?!" with a huge smile on his face.

The dinner was yucky, so I'm not even going to post the recipe; but that was overshadowed by our awesome news!

Spotting

I'm still spotting a bit today, so I'm going to the doctor to find out what's going on. I know there's nothing they can do to stop the bleeding, but it will make me feel a bit more "proactive".

I'm going to pick and can grapes with my friend J, and I've been worried all night about telling her our good news. I know she'll be ecstatic for us, but at the same time she will go home and cry- J isn't able to have any more babies and she desperately wants to:( I know she would be more hurt if I didn't tell her though, so I am going to just come out with it.

I'm Pregnant!!!

After 10 long months of trying, we've been blessed with another baby! C is a big brother!!!
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I'm not sure what the bleeding was that I thought was my period, maybe implantation bleeding? I saw a streak of blood today and thought that was weird, which prompted me to test and this is what I got:)

Friday, September 07, 2007

Breast or Bottlefed?

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

"Breast-fed" she replied.

"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, he said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk."

"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."

Monday, September 03, 2007

So sometimes I'm wrong:(

Started my period today. I am so let down. I was positive that I was pregnant, so very sure that I've been talking to the baby:( Major bummer.

Sunday, September 02, 2007

We're back:)

We had a great time...and I think I'm pregnant! I never ever have cramps before my period starts, and I've been cramping the entire time we were up north. The only other time I've had cramping like this (without being on my period) was when I was pregnant with C. I took a test and it was negative, but I just have a feeling.